Rob told me there's an apocryphal story (literally) where Jesus kills a kid with eyebeams. I thought he was wacknuts. And so I looked, and there it is, The Infancy Gospel of Thomas. I shit you not. No eyebeams, though.
Anyway, the Infancy Gospel is basically baby Jesus fucking up people right and left. He kills a child who runs into him, then blinds people for being upset that he killed a kid who ran into him, and Joseph's all like, look, son, you might want to tone it down a bit, and Jesus is like, don't you ever, ever touch me, you little prick, do you know who I am, do you know who I motherfucking am?