Man, when Fellowship Of The Ring came out, I was nuts. Nuts! Orlando Bloom isn't even slightly attractive. I'd rather spend a night in the company of John Rhys-Davies. I'm not saying that just to make a point. I actually find John kind of hot. I'd love to be in a Rhys-Davies/Serkis sandwich. Anyway! Orlando Bloom is not cute. His ass could learn a few cuteness lessons from that of Christopher Lee. He's not cute blond and clean-cut, and he's not cute dark-haired and piratesque. He's possibly cute as a rentboy in an amusing hat, but it all went downhill from Wilde, ladies and gentlemen. You know who the real hunk in Return Of The King is going to be? Dernhelm. Oh yeah, baby. I don't know exactly how gay this makes me, but I don't really care anymore. Yow.