Michael W. Griffith (geckoman) wrote in metaquotes,
Michael W. Griffith

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How to deal with those pesky random IMs...

My friend ninjacooter has had a couple today...

randomgit#1: who are u?
randomgit#1: i cant remember sending any im
ninjacooter: I have no idea.
ninjacooter: I have amnesia.
ninjacooter: and am unable to read or write.
randomgit#1: ok
randomgit#1: im sorry
ninjacooter: it's ok.
ninjacooter: thank you for your understanding.
ninjacooter: I appreciate it.

Randomgit#2: hello are you there
ninjacooter: yes.
Randomgit#2: ?
ninjacooter: hello.
Randomgit#2: hi
Randomgit#2: thanks for your reply
Randomgit#2: i told you i wanted to discuss a confidencial matter with you
ninjacooter: sure
ninjacooter: what's up?

At this moment, I had to walk away to do something. In the interim, Mr. Impatient gets uppity.

Randomgit#2: are you back
Randomgit#2: hello
Randomgit#2: are you there?

(I'd like to say at this moment, that the BUZZ!!! feature in Yahoo is easily one of the MOST ANNOYING things of all time)

Randomgit#2: are you back
ninjacooter: yes
ninjacooter: so, what's up?
Randomgit#2: ok
Randomgit#2: can i proceed ?
ninjacooter: yes.
ninjacooter: so?
Randomgit#2: OK
Randomgit#2: OnJan. 1990, an American oil consultant/contractor with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, Mr. Smith Shaw made a numbered time (Fixed) deposited for twelve calendar months, valued at US$15,000,000.00 (fifteen Million United States Dollars) in my branch. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply.
Randomgit#2: are u wit me?
ninjacooter: yes.
Randomgit#2: After a month, I sent a reminder and finally I discovered from his contract Employers, Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation that Mr. Smith Shaw died from an automobile accident. On further investigation, I found out that he did not leave a WILL and all attempts to trace his next of kin were fruitless as the accident involved himself and his wife alongside his two children.
Randomgit#2: I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr. Smith Shaw did not declare any next of kin in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork. This sum of US$15,000,000.00 is still sitting in the Bank as at now.
ninjacooter: ok
ninjacooter: and you're telling me this because?
Randomgit#2: Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Smith Shaw so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt to officials.
ninjacooter: wow, are you kidding?
ninjacooter: how many people have you successfully scammed through doing this?
Randomgit#2: wat do u mean?

spammella's comment to me over IM about the 'conversation' so far: I love how he says wat do u mean after saying I therefore made further investigation

ninjacooter: you should really talk to a foreigner that knows less about law and procedure
ninjacooter: that way they'll fall for what you're 'selling'.
ninjacooter: best of luck to you.
ninjacooter: it's a good shill, if you haven't been on the 'net since the early 90's
Randomgit#2: i know u must have been hearing a lot of rumour
Randomgit#2: but it is confidential
Randomgit#2: are u intrested
ninjacooter: do you usually try to get people involved in HIGHLY illegal deals like this?
ninjacooter: what country do you live in?
Randomgit#2: it is urgent that is why i approached this way
ninjacooter: and I'm just *special* enough, even though you don't know me, that you wanted to 'afford me this very special opportunity'?

At this point, spammella started giving me ideas for responses.

ninjacooter: I tell you what.
ninjacooter: if you wire $17 million into my offshore account in Cuba, I'll do it.
Randomgit#2: is that all u want
ninjacooter: that's what this is all about, isn't it? Money?
Randomgit#2: ofcourse yes
ninjacooter: how old are you?
Randomgit#2: it will be a mutual benefit for u and me
ninjacooter: I'd also like a hedgehog, and I demand the key to the Haitian Zombie formula.
ninjacooter: tout souite
Randomgit#2: ?
ninjacooter: a cool 17mil, a hedgehog, and I demand the key to the Haitian Zombie formula.
ninjacooter: I'm afraid I can't make a deal for less than that.
Randomgit#2: ok wat is the situstion of things
ninjacooter: I've already stated my position.
ninjacooter: in no uncertain terms, I feel.
ninjacooter: If you are unable to meet my demands, then I'm afraid that you'll have to do business with another filthy american.
Randomgit#2: it is 100% risk free due to my position in the bank
ninjacooter: I'm afraid that if you cannot come across with both the hedgehog and the Haitian Zombie formula, that we are at an impasse.
Randomgit#2: ok
Randomgit#2: so wat is the next step
Randomgit#2: should i go on wit the transaction?
ninjacooter: well, I'm afraid that I'll actually have to have both the hedgehog and the Haitian Zombie formula in my possession before we can discuss this further.
Randomgit#2: what are you talking about
ninjacooter: I'll actually have to have both the hedgehog and the Haitian Zombie formula in my possession before we can discuss this further.

At this point, I think he actually moved on to greener pastures - although I think that it's awesome that he had an extra 2mil just 'laying about' that he could kick in with the 15mil already mentioned.

Does anybody actually take these jackasses seriously?
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