O.K. (caprinus) wrote in metaquotes,

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our intrepid French heroine's adventures in health food

m's boss replaces taea_dol's stash of candy and bon bons with "healthy treats". nausea ensues:

periodically, i'll reach over to my right and try whatever she deemed "good for me". by this i mean i've tried Honeybear Organic Hemp & Flax bars ($2,95 and i didn't even get high!), Organic Fig Equibars (figs, caffeine, me, yeah.... y'all get the picture) and a various assortment of other "good for me things" with names as long as the alphabet. but this, today, takes the Health Food cake. [...]

today's pick was Greens+ express bar, ironically called "Blissful Berry". alright, i'm game to try something called Blissful Berry, after all, who doesn't want her mouth full of yummy bliss berries popping juicely along all the while ingurgitating Good For You food? i know i'm totally there.

except that when you open the package, a faint odor of dead rat emanates slowly from said bar.
and when you take a look at what you are going to put in your mouth, the consistency as well as the color of the bar is some sort of purple/green/puke/goo color....

this did not bode well.

since this Good For Me bar apparently cost $3,50 and that my boss actually paid for me, far be it from me to throw it out at the first two signs of warning. why do that when i can actually shove it in my mouth to prove to myself and the world exactly how adventurous i really am!

and so i did.

and OH.MY.GOD.

one bite. one bite is all it took for me to promptly feel like i'd just eaten a pile of molten dog poo mixed in with raw ostrich eggs and carrots.

the look on my face was apparently enough to make the person standing next to me ask me if i was "alright?".

as a matter of fact, no, i was not alright. i think i died a little at that moment.

[see the whole post in glorious technicolor]
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