Dear James Joyce,
I have some questions about your novel, "Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man." I'm curious as to whether you are quite positive that the artist is in fact a man, and that he is in fact young, and the implications of the resulting conclusions. Lest you think I am your everyday run-of-the-mill college student interested in socializing about sexual politics, let me assure you that my college is nowhere near the mill. It is in fact only near the train tracks. I ask in part because of recent questioning in the sociological world as to the possibility that the Mona Lisa may in fact be a portrait of a Drag Queen, thus explaining her "knowing" smile and masculine facial structure.