Cat (linguafranca) wrote in metaquotes,
Cat
linguafranca
metaquotes

TEHOPRAH

In customers_suck, quality_gal speculates about the exchange between Oprah and the Hermes employees.

(Dialogue approximated.)

Our scene opens on Hermes, an upscale French shop.

MANAGER: Quittin' time! *Locks doors, shoos customers toward registers, whistles, thinking about going home, what to make the kids for dinner--ooh, I've got those snap peas still sitting around in the crisper*
CLERK: Quittin' time! *Rings up customers, thinks about hot date for dinner, fluffs hair*
CUSTOMERS: We're so cool, we pay eleventy-six dollars for ugly teacups! *Gets purchases*



TEHOPRAH: *Approaches with crowd the size of Sauron's army (pre-ring destruction)*

MANAGER: What the hell is that?
TEHOPRAH: *Pounds on door* MWAHHH!
CLERK: It looks like... some rich lady. With a lot of friends.
MANAGER: *Worries--oh, shit, I'll be late home to the kids, significant other will bitch at me* Um...
CLERK: *Checks out last customer* I can't stay late tonight. *Hot date, hot date, screw customers, screw job, they don't even pay me that much*
MANAGER: Well, I can't do it by myself--*Woohoo, go clerk!* I'll get rid of her and let out this last customer... *Opens door* I'm sorry, ma'am, we're closed.
TEHOPRAH: WHAAAHH?! RICH!!! AMERICAN!!! ENTITLEMENT BITCH!!! You've got people still in there! Why can't I come in and shop?!
MANAGER: No, ah, we're closed--
TEHOPRAH: PEOPLE INSIDE! PEOPLE! I NEED UGLY TEACUPS!
MANAGER: Ah, the people are inside for a private public relations event--
TEHOPRAH: PUBLIC! ME PUBLIC! SHOP! *Godzilla roar* YOU'RE RACIST!
MANAGER: Fine, ma'am, we're racist. Good night.
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