So one of the main things of my faith, which I'm going to call CITRONICS, is going to be that we hate Paris and believe that it is the Portal to Hell. You are required to make the sign against evil whenever movies set in Paris are on TBS. Croque monsieur is the worst curse we have!
Citronics has a central set of beliefs known as The Code of Thirteen:
1. Thou shalt not live in Paris, nor visit Paris, nor catch a connecting flight in Paris, even if this means that thou shalt frequently have horrible layovers in London.
2. There is but one God, and his name is Brad. Brad is made up of many smaller semi-autonomous deities such as the Divine Huntress of Crispy Chicken and Russell, God of Minor Irritations.
3. Every man and woman born until this Earth will be responsible unto Brad for his or her part in various forbidden acts, such as wearing socks with sandals and being rude to waitstaff. As Brad is the Lord our God, Master of the Universe, these forbidden acts are subject to change without notice, and He shall brook no whining about how ye didn't know that The Forbidden Acts List had been updated.
You can find the rest of The Code of Thirteen here.