conuly, in the middle of a post about autism and deafness:
You know what?
Birdsong is overrated. Do you know what birds are singing? They're singing "Get the fuck out of here" and "Hey, baby, let's do it" and "I've got a great big tonker" and "OUT! OUT! OUT! OFF MY LAWN, PUNK!" and that's about it.
0.o Um. Not sure how to say this, but... my aunt has a perverted puppy.
He's always been uncommonly non-destructive with his toys, which is odd, because he shreds everything else. His toys are his special pals. But anyway, his humans got him a big plushie Easter ducky to play with, and, it's an even more special friend than the rest of his "friends," apparently. 'course, it's not quite, er, made for that sort of thing (natch), and it's not a particularly... um, bangable shape for him, so he winds up pumping air, but he does try, from the sound of it.
'course, they are Southern Baptists, so it would figure that they'd have perverted puppies. =P
catguy gets all advice column-y:
Hi gang, Lieutenant Commander Knowledge here, answering the questions you thought were unanswerable!
This week's question is on a topic that has plagued restaurant goers and gourmands for centuries. One concerned reader writes:
Dear Lieutenant Commander Knowledge,
A few nights ago I had a bit too much pasta for dinner. I decided to have some antipasta to even things out, but to my surprise I found that I felt even more full than before! What gives? I thought pasta and antipasta were supposed to cancel each other out!
A Concerned Reader
Well A Concerened, you're half right. Pasta and antipasta do cancel each other out, but not in the way you're thinking. To find the answer, we'll have to delve a bit into physics. The miracle that is modern science has led us to the discovery of a kind of compressed energy called antimatter. Antimatter is a lot like regular matter, except the charges of the atoms are exactly opposite; the electrons have positive charges, the protons have negative charges, and so on. What we have discovered is that when matter and antimatter come into contact with one another, they cancel each other out. However, since the total amount of energy in the universe cannot change, the matter and antimatter do not disappear; rather, they are completely converted into energy.
The same principle is happening with your pasta. When the pasta and antipasta come into contact in your stomach, they are converted into energy. This means that there is an excess amount of potential energy in your stomach, which leaves you feeling rather full. In fact, I suspect that you felt even more full than you would normally expect to feel after ingesting that much food. This is because the stomach usually takes a long time to break down the food into sugars, which is later converted into energy when needed. When the pasta and antipasta interacted, this energy was generated immediately; since none of the energy was used up in the process of breaking down the food, all of it had to sit in your stomach waiting to be used, which resulted in your post-Thanksgiving-dinner-like sensation.
I would like to assure my readers that eating pasta and antipasta at the same time is generally not dangerous, aside from the uncomfortable feeling of overfullness. Nevertheless, myths, scare stories and sci-fi movies persist on this subject. I assure you that these worries are....mostly unfounded. As yet, science has found nothing to suggest that the reactions between pasta and antipasta are any grounds for concern. Please, go and eat Italian and antiItalian together if you wish! We should not have to live in fear of the harmless nuclear reactions in our stomachs. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be at Fazoli's.