I mean, c'mon people, in the time you've been working on this one section, I've been working on a half-dozen other projects. I swear, you could hand this project to a group of masturbating chimps and get better performance, albeit a lot messier.
Y'know, maybe we should go with the chimps. Y'know, the kids love 'em, and it'd be a convenient excuse as to why the work's not done. "Why isn't this project done yet?" "Well, the server's full of monkey-cum, and the cleaning lady's out 'til Tuesday."