Tonight I was fitted for my actual NRFD [New Richmond Fire Department] turnout gear. My request for a helmet plaque that read 'BAD MOTHERFUCKER' was summarily denied; my counter-offer for one that said 'NRFD LIEUTENANT' was also not entertained by the board at this time. I shall have to use less subtle means of rapid self-promotion, such as my orbital laser Kill-O-Sat. Only twenty-six laser vaporizations until I achieve a higher rank via the two sweetest words in the English language-- DE! FAULT!
Now... back to writing. I deny your reality and substitute my own. It's got giant spiders.