scott_lynch answered here:
Set it down on a table beside a firm, dry straw hat. Sit down opposite from the soggy hat, turn a chair backwards, and sit in it with your arms crossed, leaning forward.
"Look, you've been a good hat, and it's not quite fair to call you a disappointment. But as you can see, I've got at least one other hat that isn't imitating cooked spaghetti. Now, I'm not going to tell you what to do, but perhaps you might consider shaping up."
Then pull out a handful of loose crushed straw from behind your back and place it nonchalantly on the table.
"All of our actions have consequences, dear. I'll let you decide where we go from here."
Leave the hat alone for the night.
It'll be bone-dry by morning, guaranteed.