Kassandra Fireborn (fireborn) wrote in metaquotes,
Kassandra Fireborn

  • Mood:
I know, I know. You're all very sick of Star Wars humor by now. I am too. I haven't even gone to see the movie. I don't know if I will.

This still made me laugh hysterically, and the mental image of Scrooge McLucas will never go away.

silverdragon262 reviews Star Wars III, in Multiple Letters Format:
(spoilers for the ten people who care and yet still haven't gone to see it)

Dear opening credits,
Yeah. I admit. You still do that shiver-down-the-spine thing.

Dear Artoo,
Rock. You get the first line. You’re totally the reason why I’m seeing this movie, y’know?

Dear Obi-Wan,
'I have a bad feeling about this'? Oh, because that sounded completely natural.

Dear special effects,
Uh. I miss models. I’m sorry, but you’re so fake, dearies. Honestly. You make me sad.

Dear Artoo,
Uh... flying? Uh... okay.

Dear Anakin,
Am I supposed to hate you? In the ‘stop whining and get out of juvvy’ sort of way? Because I do.

Dear Padme,
Way to trade in your life for a nursery. Way to sound happy about it.

Dear Samuel L. Jackson,
Did you used to be able to act, or am I mistaken?

Dear Threepio and Artoo,
You guys totally had more chemistry than Padme and Anakin.

Dear Threepio,
When you went to say ‘little one,’ I definitely thought you were about to say ‘love.’ I was disappointed.

Dear Hayden and Natalie,
If you guys see the 11 year old who wrote your dialogue, let me know. I’d like to congratulate her on sounding her like a 12 year old.

Dear Yoda,
Uh. I have no words. You used to be COOL. You used to be a MUPPET. Man, I miss those days.

Dear General Grievous,
That thing? You know the thing. With the lightsabers? Very cool. And still you lost? COME ON! Get with the picture. Obi Wan's not that cool.

Dear Obi-Wan,
No, seriously. You're really not that cool.

Dear Palpatine,
How did you get the only decent lines in this film? How come I was routing for the Dark Side? Where’d you learn the awesome lightning thing? Spiffy.

Dear Audience,
Why did you laugh at the fate of the younglings? For that matter, why did I?

Dear Chewbacca,

Dear Senator Organa,
You’re Jimmy Smits. You could also act. Go you!

Dear Antilles,
Like Wedge? WHOA!

Dear pretty ending montage,
Why were you so rushed? I get AN ENDLESS lightsaber fight over lava WHEN EVERYONE KNOWS HOW IT ENDS and then two seconds on Tatooine? What a rip-off.

Dear Darth Vader,
Oh, please. Here's a livejournal. Go wild.

Dear George Lucas,
I thought that was the sound of you rolling in your grave, and then I realised that you were still alive. Therefore, I've concluded it's just the sound of you diving in piles of money. Have fun!

Dear Original Trilogy,
Since no one else will say it... I. Am. So. So. SO. Sorry.

Dear Eps I & II,
This movie was still better than you two. Put together, even.
  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

← Ctrl ← Alt
Ctrl → Alt →
← Ctrl ← Alt
Ctrl → Alt →