Ha. Mary Sue Orcs. I actually laughed out loud.
"Her name was Sparkle Princess Sunshine, and she was the most beautiful orc ever. Her hair shone with the golden fire of a thousand red-hot pokers, and her skin was as lumpy as the beautiful and majestic mountains of Middle Earth. As soon as Frodo saw her, he knew he was in love. As did Legolas. And Aaragorn. And Gandalf. And Gimli. And that talking tree."