Shes_Precious (shes_precious) wrote in metaquotes,

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Of Tape and Grilled Cheese

From lyneidas

At approximately 1 AM, Copper began making circuits of the bedroom swearing loudly and foully in Felinese, while the other cats followed her around the room. She’d make a pass over the bed, leap to the dresser from the bedside table, linger on the desk for a bit knocking things off, jump onto the floor and run around, and then do it all over again. I asked them all to knock it off, rather civilly I thought considering that I’d had the audacity to think that 2 grilled cheese sandwiches were just the thing for dinner yesterday, and they weren’t really agreeing with me, or with the cats lumbering like a miniature herd of bison across a rather tender tummy attempting to digest the aforemetnioned sandwiches with the limited and inadequate tools on hand. On the third or fourth pass I hit the light on the alarm clock, noted politely to the cats that it was 1:17 A.M, got up and chased them all out of my room. Madison, who is usually the something in question when Copper wakes me up swearing at something during the night, was thrilled. He thought breakfast time had come early, and attempted to lead the way to the food bowl. Meanwhile, Copper had disappeared, so I went back to bed figuring it was all over. It wasn’t. It started again. This time, on one of the passes I reached out to grab Copper in order to explain that this was not acceptable nighttime behavior. I grabbed a length of hairy tape instead of a cat, a good quantity of which ripped loose from the aforementioned cat, who objected strenuously to this manner of removal. I realized at this point (having finally woken up enough to have a measurable I.Q.) that something was actually wrong. Important background knowledge: Madison had been attacking the door to the outside rather vigorously during the prior evening, and a length of packing tape was stuck to said door to discourage this behavior. When I turned on the light with the third hand that I had left over from dealing with the Extremely Disgruntled Feline in my possession, I noted that she had somehow managed to wind this tape in a spiral around her tail. Her tail fur is long, fine, and extremely fluffy. Long, fine, and fluffy sticks very well to tape. Extricating her from the tape was a rather arduous process and Copper’s tail is now quite unevenly fluffy. I then turned off the light and tried to regain unconsciousness, to no avail. Apparently there were now large and vicious Tape Monsters roaming the house, and all the cats (except Madison) had to huddle close to me so I would be able to protect them against further attack. This involved three cats arranging themselves around my person, which involved some negotiation on their part; this was not a terribly agreeable process as some of the chosen locations were already dealing unsuccessfully with grilled cheese. Madison was fortunately not huddling close (fortunate because he is the heaviest of the herd members), but that was only because he was trying to explain that it was breakfast time and I should not tease cats by going back to bed when I should be serving delectable comestibles to them, or at least kibble. Also, Copper was attempting to regain her former dignity and style by vigorously grooming her poor abused tail. Ever since she lost a couple of teeth in a badly bungled fight with the cat jungle gym some years ago, she has slurped loudly when grooming herself in a pissed-off mood. This occasion definitely qualified for maximum volume on slurpage. Also, she had to test the efficacy of the grooming process by flicking her tail fur across my face as she completed various stages of the repair process. She somehow managed to do this several times even after I stuffed my face under the pillow. Therefore, in revenge, I am posting this adventure publicly. Hopefully, now that I’ve gotten it (and the cats) off my chest, I will be able to sleep again. G’night, all.
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