It just needs the whole damned post, because explaining ruins it. here we go:
I have much glorious battle news to post. I have banished The Fruit Flies of Malfeasance and The Dirty Dishes of Doom from the Land of the Kitchen, and after a long and glorious battle I have destroyed the Clutter of Chaos and the Vicious Dust Bunnies from the front room. And finally, with the help of the powerful wizard Dr. Bronner, I have broken The Curse of Poor Body Odor.
If anyone should try to aid these wicked villains in their attempts to return to the kingdom of Caer Leonis before the party tomorrow, I will cut out their heart with a kitchen knife and sacrifice it to Martha Stewart, who demands human hearts because she has none of her own.
You may return to your duties now.