Thorn (thornsilver) wrote in metaquotes,

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So, appearently "Underworld" sucks like a "Hoover".

From seperis about Underworld:

1.) Gunfighting in the sewers - beautiful. Everyone in black leather packing and shooting at each other. Everyone was pretty. Lots of that thing where people walk powerfully around and part ways for the Powerful Guy, who kills werewolves with his bare hands and a sword. Lots of long, long, long scenes of fighting. And everyone was pretty when they did it. Think vampire mafia, with those great long coats and rifles. And pretty. My God, they are all pretty.

2.) They never bothered with the sun appearing. Never once. I like this entire denial of the existence of daylight thing. Just big, dark buildings and rain and people wearing black killing each other for no good reason.

3.) Selene is hot. I would seriously consider throwing out this entire heterosexuality thing to sleep with her. Also, I'd like her to bring her weapons to bed.

4.) Did I mention all the shooting in dark, gothicy underground places? Because they do this a LOT and trust me, you'll find yourself living for these moments.

5.) If you can overlook that the blond guy played on Felicity and focus on how *good* he looks wet and depressed, you're good to go. Also, I have no idea why he turns green yet. He also gets tied up a lot. All of this is very close to my heart.

6.) There's a plot. You'll be happier just trying to ignore it, and instead, go for popcorn, because frankly, it makes no sense and was stuffed into way too small a period of time. These pauses in the fighting are timed just right for bathroom breaks as well.

7.) The bullets were *great*. I mean, really. I want to take this movie apart and grab xoverau and anyone else with even the vaguest interest in vampire mythology and make them *rewrite* this thing to make it comprehensible, just on the strength of those damn cool bullets.

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