"What a lovely warm sunny day it is! What a perfect day to spend indoors on the Internet!
I've spent so long indoors now my eyes are hyper sensitive to daylight. In the summer if I don't have sun glasses my eyes fucking stream! I blame the internet and all of it's joys. By the time I'm 50 i'll be in a wheel chair, i'l have rotten stumps for fingers and i'll be completely blind but it will be SO WORTH IT! I'm sure my hands used to look less like claws before I got the net. Anyway the new version of Opera reads webpages too you so it's obviously preparing for the fact that the net has blinded quite a few people"
You know you're exactly the same stfu!