If I am ostepathically bullied into re-joining the "once a month" club, I'd be SO all over "Blackbeard the Pirate's Rugged Tampons! Fer pluggin' th' bloody hole afor' th' sharks smell ye!"
Whoops. Apparently anotheranon was quoting, but didn't say so; so sorry! Several helpful folks did point out below in the comment thread just where and who and etc really *did* say it first.