My parents are insane, and here is a recent snippet of conversation:
P: We're not paying for your prom dress unless you have a date.
A: Wait. You were going to pay for my prom dress?
P: Keyword = "were".
A: I do have a date. I'm going with the beautiful and talented Molly.
P: Molly is not a date.
A: I forgot to come out. I'm a lesbian. Molly is, in fact, my date.
P: You cannot decide to be a lesbian just so you get a free dress.