Invading a personal space near you (blunder_buss) wrote in metaquotes,
Invading a personal space near you

Hey, fellow interneters, are you tired of mothers getting on your case because little Timmy read your smutty fanfic? Then check out this brilliant little story found at fandom_wank:

"A little fic..just for Fanfic Savvy

Once upon a time there were a group of people who like to butter their toast on the wrong side. Now they knew that most people up and down the street found this to be perverse, so they only buttered their bread the wrong side up in their own house. Nevertheless, the neighbors complained. "Far be it from us to judge you, but our children can see into your kitchen window!"

"Even with our curtains drawn?" asked the butter toasters.

"Well, the material is rather flimsy," replied the neighbors.

"Horrors. Okay. Well, could you please ask your children not to look in our window?" asked the butter toasters.

"Hey, they may be our kids but you are the ones having toasting parties," insisted the neighbors.

"Okay, we'll put heavy shades on our windows," said the butter toasters. "We certainly don't want the children to be harmed."

For a while all was calm until one day the neighbors returned.

"What now!" cried the butter toasters. "Are your children watching us some other way?"

"Well, no. It's just that there are other butter toasters out there and they don't have heavy shades on their windows so we wanted you to go over and get them to put up shades," said the neighbors.

"We don't know them. We've never met," said the butter toasters.

"Well, you all put butter on your toast the wrong way," said the neighbors.

"No, actually, some use margarine. Some use oleo and some put on peanut …." Said the butter toasters.

The neighbors threw their hands up in despair. "Stop. The horror. We can't hear anymore perversity. Just get the others to put heavy shades on their windows."

"How? We don't know them. We just know the members of our little club. And why would they listen to us?" asked the butter toasters. "Besides we have so much toast to butter. Yumm. Buttered Toast."

The neighbors were angry. They didn't understand why anyone would butter their toast the wrong way. They didn't want to have to go up and down the street making sure that the other butter toasters had their shades drawn. The butter toasters were angry because they felt they had put shades up on the windows but were still being held responsible for the actions of strangers. And the children never did learn it was rude to look into other people's windows."

So next time mother gets all upset because she can't parent her own kids, whip out this story and tell them to STFU. Enjoy!

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