It is ridiculously long, but every word is gold, I tells ya, GOLD!
I have gotten so tired of hearing teachers asking me "Well why don't you teach the class then?" every time I fuck around during class, so I have promised to myself that the next time a teachers asks me this, I will Accept her offer. My lesson plan would go around the lines of this:
Me: OK, write this down: Chicken is made of plastic, if one of you little shits write rubber or latex, I'll beat you with this ruler goddamnit!
(Real) Teacher: Please stick with subordanate clauses, Ian
Me: SHUT UP! If I ask you for sas, and critisism on my teaching skills, i'd ask for it! This is your last warning
Que: Children laughing because sadly this is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to them.
Me: YOU ALL SHUT UP! THIS IS SERIOUS! ALRIGHT! YOU, UGLY! GO TO THE HALL! YOU, YOU, YOU, AND THIS ROW, GO TO THE HALL!
(Real) Teacher: Alright Ian, I've had enough
Me: HEY! That was your final warning, GO TO THE HALL! You to, smelly. Oh, and anyone who's name doesn't end with f k and b, go to the hall.
(Real) Teacher: Ian, Stop it.
Me: Alright, I don't like your tone, I dont like the way you're talking to me, and quite frankly, I just dont like you. Go to the office, And on your way out, bring 7 random kids with you and give this note to the principal (Note says: Suspend these people)I'll phone the office to make sure he got it, asshole.
Que: Teacher walking to the office to get higher athourity cause sadly, she can't deal with her plan backfiring on her own goddamned face.
Me: Hey, what the hell are you doing here?
Kids: You haven't sent us to the hall yet.
Me: Can any of you break dance or juggle?
Que: Librarians and on-lookers looking at 20 kids in the hall.
Que: Me using the phone to harass the office
Que: Principal walking in
Me: HEY! I dont like it when people walk into my goddamned classroom without notice!
Principal: Ian, there's no one here.
Me: Alright, I've had enough of you, go to the hall.
The best part is, there probably isn't much they could do about it.
This post can be found here, and I've asked his permission to quote him in real life, since we live together.
He's also taken on Kung Fu and Religion.