Lesbian Geek Extraordinare (taskir) wrote in metaquotes,
Lesbian Geek Extraordinare

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And how much do you love kittens, my good lord?

From spasmolytic:

Richard III, simplified and made much more fun. :)

Lady Anne: [over the corpse of her husband] You killed my husband. I hate you.

Richard: Aww baby, don't be that way!

Anne: ... But... my husband. Dead. You... killed?

Richard: OK OK I admit it. I killed him. And I liked it. And I'd do it again, damnit! But I think you're foxy.

Anne: Tee hee! Oh, you!

Richard: So... howza bout we make out?

Anne: But... my husband's corpse is right--

Richard: ...

Anne: Ah, what the hell. Sure.

And then later:

Lords: Hey, we totally need a king.

Buckingham: Uhh.. how about Richard? It's not like he's paying me to say this or anything.

Lord: But he killed my son!

Lord: And my father!

Lord: And my cat!

Lord: Yeah, we hate Richard!

Buckingham: But uhh... hey. Look. Look at Richard. He's totally standing in between two monks holding a prayer book. He's totally pious.

Lords: No. He's definitely evil.

Buckingham: Evil... or pious?

Lords: Hmm... touche.

Buckinham: So. King then, eh?

Lords: Well, ok. Hey, Richie!

Richard: Sorry, can't talk, with God.

Lords: We really need to talk to y-

Richard: Guys, I'm totally with God right now. Come back later.

Lords: Um. It's kind of important.

Richard: FINE! Why don't I just put God on hold for a second! JEEZE!

Lords: Thanks so much for your time, noble, pious, wholesome, overly good-looking Richard...

Richard: Yeah yeah yeah.

Lords: We were just wondering if you... y'know... want to be king?

Richard: Oh. Ohh. I... I couldn't possibly.

Lords: Please?

Richard: Naaaaah.

Lords: C'mon.

Richard: No way.

Lords: C'mon.

Richard: Oh, you guys! Fine! I'll do it, gosh darn it!

Lords: Yaaay! Oh Richard, you're so keen!

Richard: Aw, shucks. [aside] Now I'm going to kill EVERYBODY! BUWHA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAH!!!!!

Lords: What was that last part?

Richard: Oh, I was just saying how much I love kittens.

Lords: And how much do you love kittens, my good lord?

RIchard: Very much.

Lords: Awwwww. Kittens! Awww.
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