Show was a rather marvellous success, except that stupid drip Raoul (Raoul! What kind of a bloody name is that, it sounds like a noise you make when you’re throwing up for crying out loud) was not only sitting in my box but kept making gooey eyes at Christine all the way through. It nearly made me sick! Yep, am definitely gonna have to off him. It’s not that I enjoy killing people, really it isn’t – people just keep popping up who need to be killed! I find it quite traumatising, to be really honest.
Off to check mail now.
GAHHH! No Ikea catalogue, just another bloody letter from the Extreme Makeover people. When are they going to get it through their heads that I don’t want to be on their stupid show??!!!
Here's the rest. It's rather long, but quite hilarious.