Human User Manual, update, troubleshooting section
Please note that occasionally there may be a mechanical problem at the molecular level, which prevents normal brain function. If other troubleshooting does not help, and service is currently unavailable, you MAY attempt the following procedure. Please note: the following procedure will void warranty, and should be used only under extreme circumstances.
1. Grab by throat, being careful not to crush the air circulation passageway. Grip firmly. Do not grip elssewhere, as whip-stresses WILL damage the unit.
2. Shake vigorously in no particular pattern, until you feel that the unit may have been restored to full operation.
3. If 1 and 2 do not work, grab BACK of neck and use the nearest hard surface to create repeated jarring action in the unit's processing area. Please take care to not cause undue damage to the unit.
4. If steps 1 through 3 do not work, the unit is likely broken beyond repair. Please discard, as your warranty is now void and the unit is unreplacable.
Note: you are human as well. Please consider applying these steps to yourself voluntarily if problems continue, since you are more able to gague the damage and the results than another unit.
Management's note: we recognize that quality control may have been faulty. Those responsible have been sacked.