St. Valentine was beheaded and we celebrate by decorating everything in blood red, white and pink and gorge ourselves on chocolate and sex?
What the fuck is up with holidays? Seriously?
Baby Jesus was born today! Better dress up a fat man in a garish fur trimmed costume and celebrate crass materialism!
Jesus came back to life today! Where's my bunny and marshmallow peeps?!
Hey, thanks St. Patrick for getting rid of all those snakes! Let's all have green beer and wreck our cars!
What's going to happen to Arbor Day in 100 years? There won't be any planting of trees, but instead Pepe the Arbor Day Goat will ride over the rainbow into a field in Wisconsin and we'll have eight more weeks of summer while we celebrate perfect attendence. Remember, perfect attendence embiggens the smallest man. It's a perfectly cromulent trait to have.
People are stupid.