Doctor Science (mecurtin) wrote in metaquotes,
Doctor Science

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The Gospel According To Cockroaches

or, the logical conclusion to a theory of Intelligent Design.

eshva reports, "I spent this weekend cleaning my flat - moving all my furniture and possessions, vacuuming, then moving them all back. The main purpose of this activity was to try and stem the invasion of cockroaches that seem to be taking over. And it occurred to me, while moving a box full of old zines and cockroach droppings, that it's far more likely that the cockroaches are god's chosen species.

"And the cockroaches dwelt in all the lands for many millions of years. And god said unto them "I am pleased with thee. Thy scuttling and antennae-waving is pleasing in my sight, and thine offerings of copious little black specky droppings are acceptable to me. And so I shall grant unto thee a great boon. I shall create for thee creatures that will provide for all thy needs, and I shall name them humans.

And lo it came to pass that god created humans. And the humans built great dwellings for the cockroaches, with comfy temperatures all year round, constant food, hot and cold running water, and plentiful food preparation surfaces for the cockroaches to deposit their copious little black specky droppings. And god saw that it was good.

But then false prophets arose among the humans, and they set up a false idol and declared that the god of the humans was the only true god, and they made war upon the cockroaches.

But god said unto the cockroaches, "Fear not, for thou art my chosen species and I will protect thee."

And so the human laid down poison baits, but god drew the poison from them and the cockroaches feasted and multiplied.

Then the human created a great plague of Baygon, but god turned it against the human, and her eyelid swelled up hideously in allergic reaction.

And finally the human attacked with the Squishing Thumb of Doom and the cockroaches were sore afraid. But god gave to them a miraculous power of regeneration, so that even after they had been squished, they could flip over and scuttle away.

And the cockroaches sang many hymns of praise, and said "Truly, the one true god is the god of the cockroaches".

And duh, some might say there's blasphemy behind that cut. Others, just a straightforward deduction about the nature of the Creator.
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