1) Waiting for Godot
ESTRAGON: Let's go.
VLADIMIR: We can't.
ESTRAGON: Why not?
VLADIMIR: We're waiting for Godot.
ESTRAGON: (despairingly). Ah! (Pause.) Why don't we just text him?
2) St Matthew's Gospel - Jesus betrayed
While Jesus was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived. With him was a large crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests and the elders of the people. Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: "The one I kiss is the man; arrest him." Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, "Greetings, Rabbi!" and kissed him.
Peter said: "::slashes you two!!!:: omg!!!"
Jesus said: "Shut up."
3) Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd;
I think he's a bit overqualified.
(When asked if I could send these as my first Metaquote, he responded:
"OK, but they must not be used to fund terrorist activities. St Matthew, Samuel Beckett, and King David made them up; I merely brought them up to date.
"Also, I hope there will be cake tomorrow and not just Angel fucking Delight.")