I Can Kill You With My Brain (telaryn) wrote in metaquotes,
I Can Kill You With My Brain
telaryn
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crevette and the "voice activated" customer service line go toe to toe with predictably hilarious results.


"I want to talk to customer service."

"I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. Would you like to check another insured or end your call?"

At this point, I'm seething. There's no option for the main menu, there's no option to talk to a real person. There's nothing to do but check another person or ever so politely fuck off and die. So I get irritated. And when I get irritated, I get a tad testy. And mouthy. "Listen, assclown, I want to talk to a person."

"I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. Would you like to check another insured or end your call?"

I snapped. "MOTHERFUCKER." I screamed it into the phone.

There was a pause. "Thom has not yet met his $500 deductible and has no claims outstanding. Would you like to check another insured or end your call?"

I held the phone away from my ear and stared at it in complete disbelief and consternation for at least a full thirty seconds. Then I put it back up and said, very calmly, "Cocksucker."

There was another moment of silence. "Your benefit available for the year is $1,000,000 out of program. It is unlimited in program."

I stared at the phone again. I then shrugged and tried again. "Doucheweasel."

"O has not met her $500 deductible and has one claim pending. Would you like to check another insured or end your call."

Go. Now. Spiders, insurance companies, the evils of dentistry and of course...Orlando Bloom. :)
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