Full entry found here:
There are a few this time, all from the same tract. You have to read it, because I couldn't fit all the funny stuff in a post. Just click the link.
Since when did the city of New Orleans (yes, I read ahead) need help from Satan and his minions to top off its supply of drugs, booze, and prostitutes?? Last time I checked, there was municipal funding for it.
"Umm... why do these rubbers have holes in them?"
"They're not holes ... they're 'freshness vents'. It's a new feature. It keeps its contents from getting soggy and wilted in high moisture environments."
"Satan's Headquarters" ... wouldn't that be Hell? Or did he manage to snatch up some prime real estate and convert some Los Angeles villa into Alta Hades: Beachfront Paradise?
Heh, say your prayers, Ron. I like the sweaty look of determination ... "must ... get ... shitfaced ..."
"So he used drugs, alcohol, and immoral sex to keep you away from the Saviour." Boy, I've been there. Satan, pinning me down, force feeding me tequila shots, slipping PCP into my Eggos right before finals, and sending over hot scantily clad Baywatch lifeguard chicks for hot oil massages. What a little shit. God knows that if I were in control of my actions, I would have spent all that time reading my bible.
I love the choice you're given. Follow Satan, or follow Jesus. No in between, no other choice. The problem with this is that even though you might forsake Satan, you're still fucked if you don't accept Jesus as your lord and savior. I'm not going to go into any more details, but it involves demons.
And red hot pokers.
And your ass.
And in the comments area:
It's all true and the Bible is indisputable and God made us and you can't say otherwise!!!1!!11
*plugs ears and starts singing*