(This one's for all you closet Corrieoggy ((crap, how do you SPELL that?)) fans- I know what you do at night!)
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM WATCHING BRITISH SOAPS:
1) There is no birth control in England.
2) Abortions, on the other hand, are a dime a dozen.
3) The only employment opportunities in England are for underwear manufacturers, mechanics, barmaids, convenience store clerks, short-order cooks and taxi drivers.
4) Conveniently, everyone who resides on the street possesses at least one of these skills.
5) Pregnancy occurs only to teenage girls, the girlfriends of married men, and mean selfish women totally unsuited to be mothers. If a happily and lawfully married couple actually wants to have a child, they will be unable to do so.
6) Never trust the young, handsome assistant manager of Underworld. He is either an embezzler or an addicted gambler.
7) Nothing can ever go right on a wedding day.
8) If a handsome, charming man enters your life, he is either married or has murdered his wife. Do not accept his invitation to dinner.
9) If you are a child on the street, you will be kidnapped at least three times by the time you start school.
10) Marry in haste, repent at leisure. Marry in haste, repent in haste. Marry at leisure, repent in haste... Well, just marry and repent.
11) If a motherly looking figure says a young woman is looking "peckish," the woman is pregnant.
12) If an elderly character coughs, he/she has cancer and will be dead by the time the season is out.
13) Just when you think you've met the woman of your dreams...Yes, she used to be a man.
14) You will be able to consume several pints at the Rovers on your dinner-break, a round before tea and another in the evening, every day for decades, and never develop liver problems or alcoholism.
15) Children don't say anything or do anything until the age of 12, when they go through a rebellious stage and drive their mothers to distraction.