So I tell this clueless clittwiddler that "sorry, there's no next day delivery. Let me call Fed Ex and see how fast the trucks are going". Not good enough. He wants the fucking card tomorrow, reality be damned.
We went back and forth for about ten minutes until I snapped and said "LOOK. Here are your options. Fed Ex by truck, 3-5 days. Regular mail, 7-10 days. Or I can rubberband the card to a pigeon and whip it out the window. PICK ONE."