I have risen from the depths of my subterranean bedchamber. I have spent nearly a week incapacited by a god-awful yeast infection. I don't know if I can even talk about it, the trauma is so deep. Suffice it to say that after three days of natural remedies..., two days of wondering and wait and see-ing, at 2:00 a.m. on Thursday morning I made a mad dash to Walgreens and got a Monistat 1-day torpedo. After installing it I spent approximately 10 minutes in bed alternating thoughts of the quickest, cleanest way I could kill myself and rubbing my crotch up against a tree. I was completely consumed by the agony that was my most private parts fermenting. I was literally shaking and I finally remembered that I had a nearly 6 year old tube of lidocaine in the drawer. I promtly smeared in on my nether regions and was able to focus on something other than that for a few moments before I found slumber. I stayed in bed all day yesterday, making liberal use of the lidocaine and ibuprofen (for swelling). I woke up at 6am and praised God most graciously as the crisis seems to have passed. Most of my thoughts today have been in thanksgiving for being delivered of my affliction. I know full well that no-one has ever died from a yeast infection. But I am certain that I was about to be the first one.
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- Ru (
gemmintheruff) wrote in 
metaquotes,
First Time Poster, But I Have Many Quotable Friends
I have risen from the depths of my subterranean bedchamber. I have spent nearly a week incapacited by a god-awful yeast infection. I don't know if I can even talk about it, the trauma is so deep. Suffice it to say that after three days of natural remedies..., two days of wondering and wait and see-ing, at 2:00 a.m. on Thursday morning I made a mad dash to Walgreens and got a Monistat 1-day torpedo. After installing it I spent approximately 10 minutes in bed alternating thoughts of the quickest, cleanest way I could kill myself and rubbing my crotch up against a tree. I was completely consumed by the agony that was my most private parts fermenting. I was literally shaking and I finally remembered that I had a nearly 6 year old tube of lidocaine in the drawer. I promtly smeared in on my nether regions and was able to focus on something other than that for a few moments before I found slumber. I stayed in bed all day yesterday, making liberal use of the lidocaine and ibuprofen (for swelling). I woke up at 6am and praised God most graciously as the crisis seems to have passed. Most of my thoughts today have been in thanksgiving for being delivered of my affliction. I know full well that no-one has ever died from a yeast infection. But I am certain that I was about to be the first one.
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