"Anyways, after getting my tongue pierced I came upon a great truth. I realized that God hates me because I'm straight. He made me gay and he's now punishing me for going against his will and persuing a heterosexual life.
Some of you may think I'm crazy, but trust me. It makes perfect sense. That's why gay guys are so attracted to me. That's why I'm completely comfortable with my sexuality and have no problems being around gay people. That's why I've had a very LONG dry period.
Now I just have to deside what to do about this. I wonder if I'll get further insight if I get another piercing?"
The sad thing is, I think he's probably right!