Just spent half an hour poking around the settings on my computer, changing fuses and checking to make sure everything was plugged in right, 'cuz my porn wasn't grunting.
Finally noticed that the remote control for my new speakers has a mute button.
Me: Oooh, what does THIS button do?
Computer: *max volume porn noises*
Me: Eeek! Mute! Mute!
Computer: UH UH URHHH! *squish* UARGH!
Me: *dies of shame*