beware of cheap imitations. (bete_noire) wrote in metaquotes,
beware of cheap imitations.
bete_noire
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the holiday bitchery begins continues

[longtime lurker; first time poster; be gentle]

crinoline:

it begin as a rant to aduncous, with whom I agreed that once you put on the christmas sweater, your vagina stops functioning. you are genital absence embodied. but, of course, it doesn't happen all at once. you buy the christmas sweater, and you find that the dancing snowflakes cast in wool across your tits don't disappear when you strip down. indeed, your chest has become a vomit-palette of happy snowmen and their friendly flakes carved from your skin...you buy the christmas sweater, and you find that the dancing snowflakes cast in wool across your tits don't disappear when you strip down. indeed, your chest has become a vomit-palette of happy snowmen and their friendly flakes carved from your skin.

...is that a reference to Dimsdale in The Scarlet Letter and David in Midnight Nation? Yes. (Shah!)
and, then, before you know it, you've moved to a gated community, the name of which is adjective/noun (Cherished Ridge, Sandy Key, Grassy Knoll, etc) and your vagina just doesn't work. you've employed your low-rent cousin, Christmas Sweatshirt, to clean your house because "there just aren't enough hours in the day!" and those gold lame loafers are fused to your feet...

i say all of this, but I reached into my closet today and put on my newest garment, a bone colored sweater with blue and coffee colored stripes on it. as i put it over my head, i realized that i had purchased it inside out on the hanger and that it has, in fact, a myriad of happy sparklies dotting the wool. how could i not have noticed? how long do i have before i become one of them?



somewhat vulgar/not necessarily worksafe/still funny.
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