First, here are the players in our little tale.
Me: Icebeard, scourge of the Great Lakes
SD: Scurrilous Dog, failed shoplifter
CN: Captain Nick, the manager
CPD: Cleveland Police
Me: What ho, good sir!
SD: Nothing, good clerk! I have looked, and now I shall leave!
Me: Have a good morrow, young man!
As SD walks out of the doors, alas! Ye Olde Security Station relases a loud noise, revealing SD to be a shoplifter!
Me: AVAST! Stand and deliver, ye scurrilous dog! Ye have attempted to remove an item from this establishment which ye have not paid for!
SD: Alas! I have not, good sir! Thou may check my belongings indeed, for I am no pirate!
Me: And so we shall, miserable pirate. Captain Nick, sor!
CN: Aha! Another shoplifter. Empty yer knapsack upon yon counter, or the police I shall call.
SD: Alas! I shall not empty my knapsack, as I am no pirate, good sir! Now, I shall take my leave of this place. Good day to you!
Me: STAND FAST, PIRATE! Ye shall nay move from that spot, while I fetch the authorites!
Upon which I remove myself from the establishment, in search of the Police, who come to the store with me.
CPD: Where is the young rapscallion who attempted to remove thy merchandise, good merchant?
CM: Ah, you speak of the youth cowering behind me, Constable. Do with him as you will.
Me: Aye, sor, for he be nothin' more than a dread pirate. Take him away!