elektra (xthe_mad_hatter) wrote in metaquotes,
elektra
xthe_mad_hatter
metaquotes

P.C.

From the exceptionally British mind of lizzible...(don't worry, I know her personally)

Q: WHAT IS P.C.?

PC stands for Politically Correct. We of the Politically Correct philosophy believe in increasing a tolerance for a DIVERSITY of cultures, race, gender, ideology, and alternate lifestyles. Political Correctness is the only social and morally acceptable outlook. Anyone who disagrees with this philosophy is bigoted, biased, sexist, and/or closed-minded.

Q: WHY SHOULD I BE PC?

Being PC is fun. PCism is not just an attitude; it is a way of life! PC offers the satisfaction of knowing that you are undoing the social evils of centuries of oppression.

Q: I AM A WHITE MALE, CAN I STILL BE PC?

Sure. You just have to feel very guilty.


What makes something Politically Correct?

We all know (hopefully) that the term "midget" has been deemed as un-PC and the new word "dwarf" has replaced it as an acceptable term to describe our vertically challenged friends.

So what's the PC term for "asshole"? Rectal sphincter type-person?

Some questions to be answered:


Q: WHAT IS P.C.?

PC stands for Politically Correct. We of the Politically Correct philosophy believe in increasing a tolerance for a DIVERSITY of cultures, race, gender, ideology, and alternate lifestyles. Political Correctness is the only social and morally acceptable outlook. Anyone who disagrees with this philosophy is bigoted, biased, sexist, and/or closed-minded.

Q: WHY SHOULD I BE PC?

Being PC is fun. PCism is not just an attitude; it is a way of life! PC offers the satisfaction of knowing that you are undoing the social evils of centuries of oppression.

Q: I AM A WHITE MALE, CAN I STILL BE PC?

Sure. You just have to feel very guilty.

Q: WHY?

If you are a white male, your ancestors were responsible for practically every injustice in the world- slavery, war, genocide and plaid sports coats. That means that YOU are partially responsible for these atrocities. Now it is time to balance the scales of justice for the descendants of those individuals whose ancestors your ancestors pushed down.

Q: HOW?

It's simple. You've got to be careful what you say, what you think, and what you do. You just don't want to offend anyone.

Q: YOU MEAN I SHOULD GUARD AGAINST OFFENDING ANYONE?

That's right. Being offensive is destructive, and will not make the world a harmonious utopia, like in John Lennon's IMAGINE.

Q: HOW ELSE CAN I BE PC?

Oh, there are lots of ways. For example, why buy plain ice cream when you can buy "Rain Forest Crunch?" Segregate, whoops separate all of your rubish into different containers: glass, metal, white paper, blue paper, plastic, etc. Make sure that all your make-up has not been tested on animals. Try to find at least sixty ways to use your water; when you take a shower, brush your teeth at the same time. Then don' t let the water go down the drain; use it to irrigate your lawn. Or better yet, replace your lawn with a vegetable garden. Don't use sprays. And by all means, don't burn or deface any flag. Remember, as a citizen of Earth, your living in God's planet. If you are fortunate enough to know your ethnic heritage, dress the part! Don't do drugs. You should listen to at least one of the following PC musicians: U2, REM, Sinead O'Connor, Sting, or KD Lang. Harass people who wear fur coats. Remind them that an innocent baby seal was mercilessly clubbed. Or just yell, "FUR." They hate that. And don't EVER eat meat.

Q: DON'T EAT MEAT? WHY NOT?!

Cows are animals, just like humans are animals. That means that they have rights. When you eat meat, you're oppressing animals!

Q: SO ALL KILLING IS BAD?

No, not always. Sometimes killing can be justified, like in Iraq. You have to be able to tell when an animal has rights, and when it doesn't.

Q: HOW DO I KNOW WHEN AN ANIMAL HAS RIGHTS?

The general rule is as follows: If an animal is rare, pretty, big, cute, furry, huggable, or lovable, then it has rights. Examine the following chart:
RIGHTS NO RIGHTS
Cows Cockroaches
Cute bunnies Flies
Dolphins in tuna nets Tuna in tuna nets
Whales Sharks
Red squirrel Grey squirrels
Owls Developers
Harbour seals Barnacles


Q: WOW. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO BE PC?

Hug a tree. Rejoice each day in our cultural differences, for they are what gives flavour to our life. Get in touch with your sexual identity. Check your refrigerator for freon leaks. Subscribe to National Geographic or similar magazine. Search it for neat non-Western cultural traditions and costumes. After you read it, use the paper as an alternate fuel source.

Q: I'M NOT SURE ABOUT ALL OF THIS.

If you are feeling unsure about your motivation, just remember. YOU ARE RIGHT. It's that simple. You are right.

Q: HOW DO I KNOW IF AN ACTION IS UN-PC?

Good question. It's important to know when someone is saying something insensitive so that you can have that person removed from society. The guideline is as follows: Is the confrontation between two white people? Yes. The liberal is right. No. The white person is oppressing the ethnic person.
Is the confrontation between two people of the same sex? Yes. The woman / gay is right. Remember, many seemingly obvious issues, are really race issues. Here's a fun practice drill for you: See how many newspaper articles you can make into race bias stories. It's fun! Some PCers are so good they can make the weather report look like a Nazi pamphlet!

Q: WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SEE SOMEONE DO SOMETHING NON-PC?

It all depends on the situation. If you are not in a position of authority, by all means report this activity immediately to who ever is in charge. If your school leader, employer, or superior is hip to the trend of the 90s, she or he will take the necessary steps to have the insensitive offender disciplined.

Q: BUT ISN'T THAT CENSORSHIP?

The Constitution never meant for racism, sexism and insensitivity to be espoused by anyone. That's not what free speech is about. Some call it censorship. P.C.ers call it "selective" speech. Saying something negative about a particular race or gender is just as damaging as, say, punching them in the face. We just can't allow that kind of verbal assault.

Q: I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT PC WORDS TO REPLACE "BLACK," "INDIAN." ETC.

Yes. That's part of the PC movement. You see, part of the way we think about people comes directly from the words we use to describe them. Take "black" for instance. Why should a person be judged by the colour of their skin?

Q: YOU MEAN THEY SHOULD RATHER BE JUDGED BY THE CONTENT OF THEIR CHARACTER?

No, I mean they should be judged by where their ancestors are from. If your great grandparents are from Africa, or Asia, or wherever, then you should be identified by that fact. You can even apply for special scholarships!

Q: I'M A MIXTURE OF FRENCH, GERMAN, ENGLISH, AND RUSSIAN. CAN I
GET ONE?

No, there are none offered to white males however, if you are a woman ...oops... womyn, there should be plenty. There is however the rare exception of the oppressed white races like the Irish. If you are mostly Irish, special privileges apply!

Q HEY, WOULDN'T A WHITE PERSON IN THE U.S. FROM LIBYA OR EGYPT TECHNICALLY BE AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN?

Technically, yes. But that's not the kind of African-American PCers mean. That is, we're REALLY talking about skin colour, but we're pretending that we aren't. Another example: A white South-African immigrant is not an African-American or either.

Q: I'D LIKE MY CHILD TO BE PC. WHAT CAN I DO?

Well, for one thing, we should forcibly encourage students to volunteer their time with philanthropies. Also, we should re-emphasise non-western perspectives on history. Finally, we should re-structure tests and quizzes to reflect cultural biases.

Q: I DON'T GET IT.

Well, the way the system works now, "select" under-represented minorities who tend to do worse on entrance tests have lower standards of admissions at school and work and receive preferential treatment. This is unfair and wrong.

Q: IT IS?

Yes. The truly PC way to do it is to have a different grading scale for different groups which gives or subtracts points from the final score, depending on who is taking the test. If you are white, then you have been benefited by society during your life. That means that you lose ten to fifteen points to make the test fair to everyone else.

Q: I GUESS THAT SOUNDS RIGHT.

It IS right. That's the beauty of PC.

Q: WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL OF?

Humour. PC people take every comment VERY seriously. We will not accept any comment, joke, remark, or anything that sounds like it could be a non-PC slur.

Q: GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE.

"What's black and white and red all over?" has been staple humour for decades. Not PC---it can be taken the wrong way. In every day speech, try to use phrases like, "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle coloured." Any racial jokes or jokes even mentioning culture or gender should be omitted. True, this mostly limits comedy to the level of sitcoms, but that's the price you pay for social equality.

Q: IS THAT ALL THERE IS TO IT?

Yes. The Politically Correct belief is essentially recognition that people are diversely equal. We rejoice in this equality by treating people differently based on their equal individuality. Hop aboard the bandwagon... Be PC. Or you're an intolerant, racist, sexist insensitive pig.






By the way, the new term for "zombie" is now "Living Impaired" .





Some examples of PC-ness:

[People]
[Sub Groups]

Woman
Womyn

Girl
Pre-Womyn

Housewife
Domestic Engineer

Fireman
Fire-fighter

Stewardess
Flight Attendant

Meter Maid
Parking Enforcement Adjudicator

Post Man
Post Person

Policeman
Law Enforcement Officer, Baton Person

Prostitute
Sex Surrogate (Teen Victim. See: Broken Home)

Mankind, Human
Earth Children

Handicapped
Physically Challenged, Differently Abled, Handicapable

Blind
Optically Darker, Photonically Non-Receptive

Deaf
Visually Oriented

Poor
Economically Unprepared

Bum
Homeless Person, Displaced Homeowner, and Philosophy Major

Hunter
Animal Assassin, Meat Mercenary, Bambi Butcher

Whaler
Blubber Lovers

Old Person / Elderly
4th Dimensionally Extended, Gerontologically Advanced

Conservative
Right Wing Extremist, Fascist Pig

Drug Addict
Chemically Challenged

Bald
Comb Free

Bisexual
Sexually Non Preferential

Midget
Little People, Dwarf

Convict
Socially Separated

Insane People
Selectively Perceptive, Mental Explorers

(Person With) Learning Disability
Self-paced Cognitive Ability

Tree Hugger
Environmental Activist

Logger
Wood Weasel, Paper Pirate, Tree-slayer

Dead People
Dysfunctional Earth Children, Biologically Challenged, Metaphysically Challenged
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