okay, so here is my plan to fix america. and i am entirely serious. i think some variant of this plan needs to be enacted, but preferably one that sounds a little less like a reality tv show called "homos in the heartland."*
here's what's true: middle america hates gay people. here's what else is true: middle america has never met us, or doesn't know that it has. i think there are only two options here:
1. everyone in the whole world who has ever had an inkling of attraction for the same sex needs to shout it from the rooftops.
or, barring that, because gay people in south carolina will fear for their lives...
2. we need to take san francisco and plunk it down in iowa.
i am so fucking serious. if gay people in the so-called heartland are firmly in the closet (and understandably so), then i think the rest of us have an obligation to go there and befriend people and change their minds. i mean, i can be a little bitchy at times, but i don't think anyone who's actually met me would call me more of a threat to america than poverty and terrorism.
so let's go dyke up the red states, people. who's with me?
* my cousin thinks this would be a brilliant idea for a show and that i should patent it before fox comes along and takes it from me. anyone know how?