Nishy (brazenbells) wrote in metaquotes,

forkthief discusses quality time with her father: (from a locked post, with permission)

When my dad and I are getting along, a rarity these days, it’s an amusing time.

Pappy and I went grocery shopping, a feat I usually accomplish by myself. He hates when I put groceries away because I eat them at the same time.

Pappy: Would you quit that?
The Most Beautiful Chick on the Planet, i.e., me: What’s the point of having food if you’re not going to eat it?
Pappy: Well, I was hoping it’d last at least one hour.
TMBCotPieM: *shoves granola bar in mouth* HA!!

(Wow! That can read TMB Cot Pie Mmm)

Pappy: Lord help your husband.
TMBCotPieM: He’ll find it charming.
Pappy: Yes, whales are often thought of as charming.
TMBCotPieM: … did you just call me fat? *shoves apple in mouth*

The insanity really all began when I bought a new scrub brush, and demanded that my dad call it “Mr. Suds” or I’d use his comic books as hamster bedding. His response:

Pappy: There’s something I never told you. At the time I was distraught, but now I’m quite relieved by it.
Whale Girl, i.e., me: What?
Pappy: You’re not my daughter. This means I’m not related to you, which is definitely good if you’re going to make me call a scrub brush Mr. Suds.
Whale Girl: You lie!
Pappy: No. His name is Gomer.

- Two Minutes Later-

Girl Whose Papa is Gomer, i.e., Me: I made up a song about Papa Gomer!!
Pappy: Oh dear god…
GWPiG: (to the tune of Copa Cabana) His name was Gomer, he is my papa! He drank in cheesy disco bars, then he banged mom in the car, he w-
Pappy: Eeeew! Go away!
GWPiG: Papa Gomer would never tell me to go away!
Pappy: That’s because Papa Gomer was smart enough to leave you and never return.
GWPiG: … Well played! *shoves some Pringles in mouth*
Pappy: STOP THAT!!
GWPiG: … Papa Gomer can you heeear meee? *saunters out of kitchen*
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