April 30th, 2009


Absolutely no innuendo here. Nope, nope.

limpingpigeon couldn't find any:

So, I had my breathing test at the doctor's office today, in which I had a suspiciously-shaped plastic tube placed in my mouth and was instructed to suck and blow at varying levels of intensity, then asked to repeat the process about 15 minutes later.

Too bad there was nothing funny to write about it.

Quoted with permission. Context has gone from suck to blow!

It's not just Dr. Doolittle that can understand the animals.

Being put into his harness: "What are you doing to me, woman? OK, fine, you may scritch me again."
Finding that the door is open: "Seriously? I've been standing at this thing and yelling for a week, and THIS is what was on the other side?"
Exploring under the back stairs: "There isn't anywhere suitably cushy for me to sleep. You need to get on this, woman. Terrible service. Now pet me."
First encountering LAWN: "This smells like dog crap! I never said the dog could be here!"
On spotting another cat in the next yard: "GET OUT OF MY UNIVERSE YOU HIDEOUS MONSTER OR I SHALL CONSIGN THEE TO THE FIERY DEPTHS OF HELL ITSELF! Woman, that other cat is laughing at me. Why is he laughing at me?"
Not being allowed to crawl under the beached van in the backyard: "But it's interesting under there! I can hear things moving! You never let me do anything fun! You suck. Now pet me."

Soberloki translates Gord's meows

Wherein the Dingo takes a spin through the drive-thru "Cat Wash"

felisdemens relays a tale of a rainy morning at the Cat Cave.....

The Dingo has a hobby. Well, a hobby other than slaughtering the local fauna.

Whenever it rains, he bolts out the cat door and gets rained on, then comes tearing back in howling plaintively because he is a soggy moggy and needs to be comforted. He'll leap into my lap and shoulder the computer out of the way so that he can huddle there and drool with joy. It's pretty disgusting.

So this morning when I saw that it was going to rain, I prepared. I grabbed a bath towel and set it next to my chair. The rain started and I heard the cat door slam shut with a bang as the Ungrateful Fur Tube rocketed through it.

Minutes later the first trills of announcement were echoing through the hall. "I'm here! I'm damp! LOVE MEE!"

I set the laptop aside. Sure enough, here he was, dripping and liberally bedecked with sticky blue flowers. I immediately swooped down and swathed him in the towel so that the only thing showing were two mad yellow eyes and some fangs bared in a strained grimace. Then I cuddled him and came as close as I ever do to speaking baby talk to him. "Awww, who's a repulsive and grimy thing? Who's the most vile animal? It's youuuuuu, you horrible wretch! AWWWWWW!"

His eyes darted around the room, and then his vast pink maw opened and emitted a pained squall. I tousled him with the towel until he hissed, then threw open the towel and released him with a flourish. He flew out of the folds like a magician's dove (if the dove were 17 pounds of fur, teeth and asshole) and sailed across the room, landing in a skid and heading straight for he cat door to repeat the cycle.

We make our own fun here.

Context is QWP and bigger than a 17-pound dove.
pillage art

Plot for Jurassic Park IV

chaosvizer mocks swine flu:

...Folks can't even spell SARS anymore, it's that far under the radar. Your time will come soon enough. Now get out of the news; you're blocking my view of Air Force One playing a late April Fools Joke on Manhattan.



PS - Dear Media Outlets, please wake me up when velociraptor flu makes its debut. I think I'll start paying attention then.

Context's comment thread tries to imagine the circumstances of velociraptor flu. QWP.
kitten D:
  • gwalla

(no subject)

kadharonon's cats are kind of useless...
In a very sweet way. But when you come into the living room to find them both sitting and staring at a mouse on the floor, and when the mouse tries to HIDE under one of the cats when it sees me (causing Indy to freak out, which was kind of hilarious actually, though I'm not sure if that's cat fail or mouse fail), you sort of get the feeling that while they may understand mouse hunting in theory, they've completely failed at understanding what it means in practice.
anthemyst responds:
Your cats are graduate students!
Context is apparently Cat Day on Metaquotes. Whole post+.