November 16th, 2008

odd duck

Pass me the Illudium P-38 Exploding Space Modulator?

thewronghands waxes poetic on a challenge to write the near impossible. In this case, a sestina about Marvin the Martian:

I, Marvin

My expected earth-shattering kaboom
Awaited, is not here. I blame the duck.
Rage turned inward, fists clenched, I stand angry,
Venus by earth occluded. My ray-gun
Is set to blow Earth to Dimension X,
No longer to obstruct the view from Mars.

My name is Marvin, and I hight from Mars
A mighty hero, fond of a kaboom
Renowned in battle in Dimension X
Victor against all comers but the duck
I lay about me with my good ray-gun
None shall survive. Do not make me angry.

Many space dwellers dared make me angry
All found their deaths upon the field of Mars,
Red ruin on the Red Planet. Ray-gun
Vaporization, or, perhaps, kaboom,
Incinerate, destroy. But that cursed duck
Never fell prey and fled Dimension X.

My armies sallied from Dimension X
And themselves failed. Again, I grew angry.
Revenge is sweeter when it's served with duck,
Victory is the sweetest sup of Mars.
I lay in wait, preparing my kaboom
Neutrinos chambered in my good ray-gun.

More pity that I needed no ray-gun.
All armies waiting from Dimension X
Recevied a near-reciprocal kaboom
Vendetta from Duck Dodgers. I, angry,
Incensed at the cowardly strike on Mars,
Now swore to hurl the heavens at the duck.

My nemesis, my enemy, my duck
A vengeance waits for you in my ray-gun.
Recall that no one can escape from Mars
Vanquished, I'll bring you to Dimension X
In chains and lasers. Don't make me angry
Not just yet. I still have one more kaboom.

And when that kaboom serves you well, oh duck,
I won't be angry. I'll raise my ray-gun,
The hero of Dimension X and Mars.

f-locked original, quoted with permission.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Tetris

In soviet Russia, Applecart upsets you!

Captain's Log. Stardate 11.13.08

Pika arrives in the galaxy known as "work" and notices a stray Mac has set up shop in her cubicle. Shields are raised, Pika switches to red alert, and the proper authorities are notified:

Dear IT Helpdesk:

I must alert you to a rather urgent and dire technological catastrophe. There is a Mac in my cubicle.

Norton, Avast, and various metaphysical cleansing rituals have failed to neutralize the threat. I fear this is far more serious than I thought. Please send help immediately. And by help, I mean a rather large sledgehammer.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this critical issue.


pikacharma
Tech Support

Collapse )

Context is QWiPpy, and temporarily unlocked to show off PICTURE GOODNESS.