, Associate LJ Writer
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Just moments after un-suspending his Presidential campaign and agreeing to participate in Friday night's debate with Barack Obama, Sen. John McCain (R - AZ) has re-suspended the campaign and cancelled his debate appearance in order to cross the Atlantic to assist with the ongoing war against He Who Must Not Be Named.
"We need to stop that son of a bitch cold," McCain said, standing against a backdrop of American flags with a suspicious bulge in one pocket his campaign aides later insisted was a wand. "I invite Senator Obama to join me and am directing my people to cancel all of the debates and other campaign activities on both sides until he agrees, by force, if necessary. I am fully prepared to put this election off until January or February of next year, maybe even later, if this crisis is not resolved before that time."
McCain also added he had cancelled yet another appearance on the Late Show with host David Letterman, to which Letterman responded, "Fuck him sideways with a rusty pipe. Seriously. I'm sick of this shit."
"It's time for both parties to come together to solve this problem," the Arizona senator insisted. "We must meet as Americans, not as muggles or wizards, and we must meet until this crisis is resolved."
Harry Potter, on the ground and in the thick of things at the Battle of Hogwarts, seemed surprised when he heard about McCain's decision. "What good does he think he can do here?" Potter said. "We don't need him. If he insists on showing up, just tell him to stay out of the fucking way this time, that's all I'm saying."
"The stupid old git," added Potter's first lieutenant, Ronald Weasley.
When asked why she could not go to Hogwarts in his place to deal with the situation, McCain's running mate Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said, "I don't know anything about the situation over there. I can't see Scotland from my house."
---Context is minding its qwps.