July 13th, 2008

going postal with precision

(no subject)

falconoftruth on Firan (an online text RPG):

You're on Redshirt NPC duty. You have the honor of being in the story, but you're kind of blurry and pulling levers in the background. Your job is mostly to ooh and aah at how great all the special people are while tithing 75% of your market profits and any spare vaginas you have lying around to them so they can spread their godly seed. And you know what? You're going to like it. WHO DOESN'T LIKE being completely insignificant and inconsequential all the time? Who doesn't like having their heads used as cobblestones for more important people to walk around on? Who doesn't like getting raped? Man. Gamers these days are so selfish!

But wait! There's more!

Rather than move away from the whole rape thing, a whole new fatal disease has been created to justify it! See, a lot of commoners recently got rabies. Because the wizards are so nice, they created this plot especially for them, wherein several of them got to be tied down to cots and forced to stay in one room for a couple of weeks. I know what you're thinking. AWESOME!!!! Right? Right. Because the only thing more awesome than vagina tithing is totally being tied to a bed and receiving updates something like once a day (if you're lucky) to tell you how crazy you're feeling and that your character is probably going to die. As it turns out, the only way to cure this disease is to have some kind of voodoo blood transfusion with a pure-blooded noble. Nobles are, of course, immune to the disease. Their blood is so superior, in fact, that all the bastard children they've had from raping commoners are also immune and potential cure-givers. Man! Lucky for the commoners they got raped so many times or they'd totally be dead!
twisty little passages

active_apathy returns!

...and she'll broker no nonsense from the memesters:
  1. COS(x) where x is your age plus three?

    Suffice to say, it's much the same as (1 - sin²(x))/cos(x).

  2. Will you be married by then?

    Married by when? Age -0.748058? Er, no.

    (And what would letting zygotes marry do for the so-called sanctity of marriage? ANSWER THAT, OH ANONYMOUS WRITER OF MEMES.)

Context may contain up to sixty-three or more other questions and answers. QWP.

glinda_w sends her brain a memo:

Next time you make gazpacho, you don't need to use two serrano peppers.

(At least I tasted it before even opening the Tabasco bottle. It stayed closed.)

This message brought to you by the Acme Novelty and Fire Extinguisher Company.

Locked, QWP. Context plays with its food, but the food doesn't play fair.