June 22nd, 2008

dark goat

(no subject)

elfs comes home from a medical procedure:

So, the day of my esophagogastroduodenoscopy[?], I get home to find that the weather has finally turned beautiful. And I think to myself, "I should go get those tomato plants!" I consult with my aftercare sheet. [X] Do not drive

Damn! The lawn needs mowing. [X] Do not operate heavy or complex machinery.

Grr. Can I at least masturbate? [X] Do not operate heavy or complex machinery.

Context finds itself thwarted at every turn.
silly lesbian, dyke soap

no teabagging either...

felisdemens comments on TEH Pr0N:

Things I never, ever want to see in my porn.

1. Spitting. Just fucking refrain. Do not spit on yourself, other people or the camera lens. Do not slobber cum down your chin. EVER. I reserve the right to punch you in your goddamned perineum if you spit on people.

2. Gagging blowjobs. Who thinks this is sexy? Retching is never hot. Choking maybe, gagging no.

3. Horrible acrylic whore talons. These are almost inevitably "French". I wouldn't let those tacky, jagged germ repositories within a mile of my tender bits. And ALL my bits are tender.

4. Acrylic platform shoes. Just NO.

5. Items being rammed into visibly dry orifices. I'm pretty sure the budget will stretch to encompass a little Sliquid, there, Fellini. This is not North Africa. Dry sex is not in.

6. Performers whose arms are indistinguishable from their legs. Hie thee to the craft services table and don't come back until your thigh is wider than your patella, Famine.

My new porn company, Wandering Womb Productions, will solely release pron that does not contain any of the aforementioned. Also no feet, cause ew. I mean, people will *have* them, they just won't involve them in any sexual practices. No shrimping in my world, thanks.

QWP, Context is locked, but thank you for cumming by.
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