June 10th, 2008

XBox Me

Water Bottle of the Apocalypse!

deleva's supervisor is having problems with a company gift.

Our company provided us with a "gift" in the form of an aluminum water bottle (or as the flyer with it says, "aluminum bottle drinkware"). It says specifically for uses with hot or cold liquid; this is important later. So my supervisor and i were chatting and he was fidgeting with the bottle a little, having just taken it out of the box. He pulled the lid off and noticed that there was a little dust in it. No big deal. He held it well away from his face, and blew into it. A flake of something shot out of the bottle and straight into his eye like a guided missile, seemingly in defiance of several laws of physics. The poor guy spends the next half hour or so trying to get it out and eventually has to have someone pull his eyelid down and scrape it out. So, not being a stupid person, he decides that perhaps blowing into it a second time is not a great idea, so he goes to rinse it out in the cafeteria. He has something he wants to talk to me about so he invites me to join him; I do. When we get to the cafeteria he pours some hot water into the bottle, at which time the aluminum bottle starts to conduct the heat and nearly burns the poor man's hand to ashes. Foolishly, we had assumed that since it said it was for hot or cold beverages, it was insulated so as not to cause HIDEOUS PERSONAL INJURY. Silly us. So he quickly pours the hot water back out and we are both immediately overwhelmed by the horrible smell coming out of the bottle, redolent of an overheated car engine. I tell him his water bottle needs an oil change.

To add to the hilariousness of this situation, it has a little strap and a cheap caribiner attached so that you can blind, scorch or nauseate yourself on the go.

Ask not for whom the bottle smells; it smells for THEE. The end is nigh.

Context makes a lovely corporate gift, no?
Ed (confused)

Padparadscha: 1; Mold: 0

I don’t remember quite what happened after that, but I do have a vague memory of standing in the bathroom, firing Something With Bleach at the mold-encrusted ceiling, and possibly shouting “HAHAHAHA DIE MOTHERCollapse )ER!” as I blasted that shit down to a subatomic level. When I came to the bathroom smelled like a hastily-cleaned-up crime scene, both my window frames were sparklingly clean, and the kitchen was shrinking from me in marked terror. I had to open the windows—much easier now—and stick my head out the front door to get rid of the bleach fumes.

I think I’ve tapped into something primitive and possibly even sinister here. Suddenly I begin to understand that unholy smile the 1950s housewife always seems to have when she’s happily doing her housework. This is no innocent satisfaction at a home well-kept. This is
psychotic mass murder.

I have looked into the abyss, my friends. And it is sparklingly free of mold.


Context loves Something with Bleach.
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SciFi, amused, mischievous, silly
  • cmzero

Reporting on a webcomic crisis:

The data center at which Blank Label Comics is housed had a catastrophic failure early this evening, blowing out three walls of their power room. They are anticipating that systems will begin coming back online Sunday afternoon, but until then, temporary sites will be put together to give you additional information.

Which caused meagenimage to muse:

Ironically, the fourth wall is still intact...

Context took me a week to notice it was posted, but was worth the wait.

Not trying to start wank, I promise

Over in scans_daily...

colonel_green: And now a reading from the Book of Obamaticus, 3: 16. The responsorial will be "Yes we can":
- And the Lord OBAMA did smite the two-headed serpent Billary, and she did shed her delegates, and it was Good.
- Yes we can!


benchilada: And then did the mentally deficient rise up and say unto the masses,"Yea, though he be horrid, let us shift our vote to McCain, for our Hillary has been smitten."

colonel_green: "And OBAMA did so love the world that he sent before him a white man, called "running mate", of the South or Middle-West, of middle age, to clear the way and let the masses Know how He should be recognized. And they Saw the Truth, and yea, they knew Truth."
- Book of Mason-Dixon, 13: 15.


filbypott: And the "running mate," his Hair was Good.

context
SUPERMAN TURNS YOU GAY

(no subject)

yay_cheezits  found something cool in her cereal box.

..... but I must admit, it is the most unactiony action figure I have ever seen. Here's how the box describes what he can do "Pull Batman's arm up for a powerfull chop!!" but that is seriously all he does!!! There's no lifted his leg for a low blow, no turning his head to the side to see if maybe the villians are coming from another direction. You can't even lift his other arm so he can pick up stuff. You just have to hope that the villian is comming from the front and is deathly allergic to powerfull one handed chops.

Context is Batman.