May 28th, 2008

Doug - Smile

This Is Why Cell Phones Are Not Allowed In Delivery Rooms

aurorasinistra: I can hardly wait until the text messaging generation starts naming their kids. Odd names won't be because they are trying to be original, it will be because they are incapable of spelling. anything. correctly. "definately" gah.

redqueenmeg: Definateleigh! That would be a great name for a little girl!

aurorasinistra: ORLeigh?

redqueenmeg: Orleigh Yarleigh?

aurorasinistra: Fubarbi

redqueenmeg: idk, my bff wtf?


You get what you pay for

ludomancer went to the drug store:

When it comes to the shower, I'm partial to the Old Spice mineral hydrowash.

I was in need of a new bottle, but the drug store shelf was empty. Adjacent was the "After Hours" variety. This did not strike me as a positive descriptor. I fail to recall many pleasing scents that occur after 2am. Nevertheless I made the mistake of purchasing it.

I now smell like an old leather chair after a drunk naked dude sat on it for an hour, then snuffed out a dozen menthols in the resulting rivulets of ass sweat.

That's the whole unlocked post. QWP.
Blindfolded Suits

chaosvizier Finds A Bug:

One summer night, after a hard day's work and some working out, I came home exhausted and just went straight for the bed, do not pass go, do not collect $200. It was hot and humid, and thus my bed clothing was minimal. It didn't take long for my tired body to relax and fade away into that halfway stage between consciousness and sleep, where you're still aware but not really connected to reality by anything remotely solid. At this point, the brain is a multifaceted entity unto itself, and I think the following conversation ensued.

TACTILE ANALYSIS BRAIN: Ow. I have an itch. On my butt.
CPU BRAIN: What should we do about it?
BODY: STFU guys, I'm really into bypassing REM and going directly into coma mode.
MOTOR SKILLS BRAIN: Send out the right arm. Basic up-down scratching motions.
MUSCULAR SYSTEM: Copy that. Deploying calories. Activating right arm. All systems go.
TACTILE ANALYSIS BRAIN: Ah, there we go... felt like there was something there, like a feather from a pillow. *Scratch, scratch* Say, that felt pretty good. Oh yeah. *pause* Hmmm. I hate to be a bother, guys, but I believe the scratchy spot is moving.
ANIMAL INSTINCT BRAIN: I sound the alarm! AWWWWOOOOOOOGAAAAA! Adrenaline flush is a go!

Forget REM sleep. Forget semi-consciousness. With the sudden and absolute realization that there was a living creature crawling around INSIDE MY UNDIES, I went from Clark Kent to OMGWTFperman in the blink of an eye.

CONTEXT: WTF? There's more?!

(no subject)

In a heated discussion on Samuel L. Jackson's choice of headgear, dontevenknow throws down:

dontevenknow: ALL OF YOU! STOP IT!

It is NOT a beret -- it is a flat cap!

If you are wearing a beret and are male, you have one of three options:
1. You are French.
2. You are Army personnel.
3. You are a douche.

However, wearing a flat cap does = Total King Pimp. Unless you're wearing it backwards and you're not Samuel L. Jackson. He has earned the privilege of situating his flat cap on his head any damn way he pleases.

Context thinks Samuel L. Jackson could totally kick Chuck Norris' ass.