Now normally, I try to make mod posts as amusing as I possibly can, but I'm not feeling up to it at the moment. If someone would kindly tell the trees to stop aggressively mating near my sinuses, though, I'd give making this post humorous a fair go. Until then, though, here's something pretty cut and dry:
1) Rule 9 is, has been for years, always will be. Not doing it the first time isn't a big deal, we're not going to come and stomp our jackboots on your face. Arguing with us that Rule 9 (or any of the other rules, for that matter) are stupid/elitist/intolerant/made of flaming monkeys might, however, get a boot inserted up your backside. To be frank, we have 11551 members as of the time of this posting, and we've already explained the rules and most of the rules have the explanations for their reasoning, where needed, linked right in the comm info. So no, none of us are really interested in explaining them again or arguing with you about whether or not those rules stole your pet turtle. Sorry.
2) Deliberate shit-stirring is not funny. Period. Now, there's a reason that we have a rule against whining about quotes you don't like, because, omg, 11551 members, did I mention? Yeah. We have a lot of them. It stands to reason that not everybody's gonna agree about what's funny, what's too soon, or whether or not someone is brain-damaged for thinking something is amusing. However, the mods are capable of clicking context links, and if it becomes apparent that you posted something in the comm just to get people to totally spaz out omfg, or if your cackling glee at the spasms of rage (perceived by you or actual) your post is causing get back to us, it'll get deleted. Shit-stirring gets your post a one-way ticket on the Failboat Ferry, and if you get that ticket punched three times, you're outta here. (And yes, we will ban your little socks, too. IP logging is on.)
3) Unoriginal stuff still doesn't belong here. Whether it's a pastiche of Malkin's Greatest Screeches or a salute to the Erudite Works of R. Maddow, if it's not yours, it doesn't belong here.
4) Neither do RL transcriptions. Now, telling a story about your day which is funny, and original to LJ? That does. But if it reads like it came from IM, it doesn't.
5) If mods miss someone else's post that breaks the rules and we catch yours, it's because we're human, and did I mention the 11.5K members? Arguing that because we missed another rule-breaking post and caught yours, yours should get to stay up, will make for cranky mods.
6) If Starbuck is the last Cylon, I will blow some shit up, because that would be lame.
Wait, I think that one doesn't belong. Anyway, I'm sure I missed something, but that's the news from Lake Woebe... wait, that's not right either. Uh. Computer, end log and save?
EDIT FOR P.S.:
7) KNOW YOUR MODS. Duh, right? But we're not picking on you. We're doing our jobs, and if you're in the comm, seriously, figure out who the mods are, remember it, and don't lip off to us when we tell you to edit your posts. We shouldn't have to remind you who we are every time. There aren't that many of us.
And we have cool hats. So you should recognize us.