Metaquotes

gryfindormia, child of a devout Muslim woman, gets her mother off the phone.


I went to Borders today to cheer up after work and get a gift for a friend, which is where my mother phoned me while in the checkout line and gabbed on about religious matters and Zee Old Country.

"...and that is why keeping God in our hearts and knowing him through prayers is very important."

...

"Yeah, that's lovely, listen, I'm at a bookstore right now and need to hang up here as I'm just about to get my books rung up."

"What did you pick up?"

"The Complete Encyclopedia of Signs and Symbols, The Complete Encyclopedia of Witchcraft and Practical Magic, a book on Far Eastern sexuality, and a gift for a friend."

And then there was this pregnant pause which stretched further than the parted sea, and I was Pharaoh on the far end, about to be swallowed up whole. It wasn't until after I hit menopause that I heard the agitated click I was waiting for and went back on my merry checkout way.

I should have simply told her I picked up some lesbian erotica in the straightest tone possible, but I don't need the Rapture upon me right now.


here, flocked but QWP

oliviarobin shows us that there are some things money can't buy:

custom porcelain provincial farmhouse sink: $800

stainless steel thermidor range with hood: $5000

spacey hired help: $7 an hour

finding her cutoff pantyhose in your cheese server: priceless

Context is having an interesting Saturday morning.

I wish I'd thought enough to say to him "So, I'm curious. What are they paying you to impinge on my freedom? Is it at least minimum wage?"

Context has a NSFW journal title and a few thoughts about the news in California.

thatames has a very nonjudgmental mother.

MOM
Hey, how were the New Kids on the Block?

AMES
What?

MOM
You saw the New Kids on the Block the other night, how were they?

AMES
I most assuredly did not.

MOM
You did! We had to get off the phone so you could go!

AMES
Is this a joke? I don't get it.

MOM
Remember? On Friday night? You were all excited about seeing the New Kids on the Block.

AMES
Oh my god, I was seeing the Kids in the Hall, Mom. I can't believe you got them mixed up!

MOM
Oh, I'm so sorry, it's so awful when someone says something like Barnes & Noble when they mean Borders.

AMES
Um, that is not an adequate metaphor. It's like saying Barnes & Noble when you mean A LOBSTER.

Context prefers lobsters to books, if you extend her metaphor too far.

You on the other hand, are an apparently fit young idiot with such an inflated sense of entitlement that you can't even get off your Segway to speak to the guard, instead staring down at him like the world's geekiest emperor on his friggen nerd-chariot while you argue.

Context is practicing ninja book-throwing skills behind the check-out desk. QWP.