May 14th, 2008

not all there

Twilight in script form

From medievaloracle, who really doesn't like Twilight and is highly amusing in her scorn.

Accident prone heroine, Bella, goes off wandering by herself looking for a bookstore. I wonder vaguely what's going to happen, as they've already made it pretty clear she has no sense of direction and will never find her way back to the restaurant she's meeting her friends at.

BOOK: Something is going to happen! Be prepared! See? She's wandering by herself. Oh look! A silver Volvo. Gee, that Edward drives a silver Volvo, doesn't he?

ME: And he's prone to stalking her following her around. I'll bet he's doing that now.

BOOK: Oh no! Bella's lost in a bad part of town! And these strange men are following her! Aren't you worried? Bella sure is. She's SURROUNDED!

ME: Edward is here, you moron, she saw his fucking volvo.

Context is not impressed by sneaky Volvos.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
  • kels

(no subject)

cleolinda sums up her "wish fulfillment" theory on the Harry Potter series.

You're not a neglected orphan sleeping in a cupboard! You're a wizard! You're the bestest wizard of all and you're also great at sports and you had rich, wizardly parents who loved you so much they died for you (but you've still got their money) and also, we brought you birthday cake!

Context can be found under Point #3.
Aireal - Pic
  • aireal

Always in the last place you look....

as girlygothic found out --- the gnomes are not always hiding those things you're missing:

(here's the link)

Next time I discover I'm missing an earring, I need to stop myself. Before I check all over the office... Before I check the parking lot outside... Before I check to see if anyone turned it in to the convenience store downstairs...

I need to remember to check my bra.

This is not the first time I've gotten all upset about missing a favored earring, only to get home and discover it in my bra. Doh!
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

uncut_diamond instructs a young Grasshopper

uncut_diamond: Just because I'm having casual sex whenever I can and have a couple girls that I'm playing around with - and because I'm going on the prowl Friday nigt - and having a booty call on Sunday . . .doesn't mean I'm a manwhore...

cqallivan: I want to be a manwhore.. :(

uncut_diamond: Get a T-shirt made that says: "Hi, I'm a lawyer, I like to cuddle and I always put the seat down."

Context is F-locked, QWP, and wondering if he's becoming predictable.
Cloud Droplets Are Twenty Microns

aimeesworld knows inspriation when she reads it

I read three-quarters of Twilight by Stephenie Meyer and basically just found it rubbish. This led to a conversation about what our vampire novel would include. Which then lead to Love Lies Bleeding: A Vampire Love Story, the story of Bert, a sixteen year old vampire in Taihape, who is scrawny and pimply and kind of likes this girl Emma. Emma is sixteen, wears cardigans and sensible shoes, reads Jane Austen, does athletics and likes Calculus. Then the evil sparkly vampires come to town and they have to use Emma's elite javelin skills and Bert's... well, nothing, to save Taihape from being turned into supernaturally beautiful vampires.

Here is an extract:

"Emma," Bert said, voice hushed and nervous. "There's something I have to tell you."
"You're a vampire?"
"What? How did you know?"
"My Dad works for the ministry of Supernatural affairs. I was snooping through his desk and I found your name." She shrugged. "So what?"
"I drink blood for survival!"
"I'm partial to a rare steak."
"I will be perpetually sixteen." Bert was beginning to become irritated with Emma's prosaic approach to his condition.
"I'm sixteen, Bert. I'm not looking for marriage and babies and country cottages. Besides," she added, grinning. "It's not like we're soulmates."
Bert laughed. "Don't be stupid."

Context isn't sure that Taihape is going to have enough sunshine to sparkle in. QWP, Flocked. Released to the masses!