April 27th, 2008

god, sarcastic, words from god

santa rearranged spells satan...

hardvice reflects on pithy church-isms:

In less retarded news, there's a church I pass on my way to the vet. Their sign currently reads SPRING IS GOD'S WAY OF TELLING US HE LOVES US. Like most church sign sentiments, it's cute and pithy and totally falls apart under any kind of critical analysis. To whit: ok, so spring is God giving us a big smooch. What does that make winter, pray tell? God's way of telling us I WILL CUT A BITCH? God's way of saying I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD AND I CAN TAKE YOU OUT OF IT? Because, really, spring is, under this stream of thought, really just God saving us from Himself, no? I mean, spring is just saving us from winter, right, AND GOD MADE WINTER?

To me, this means God is, at best, a Munchausen-by-proxy parent, eternally putting us into peril only to snatch us back, so He can remind us how good we have it and how great He is. But really, the only threat is God, right?

What a lovely sentiment for a church to share with us. SPRING IS GOD'S WAY OF EXHIBITING VIOLENT AND UNPREDICTABLE MOOD SWINGS, AIMING TO PUNISH YOU WITH COLD WEATHER, A LOUSY SELECTION OF PRODUCE, AND FROSTBITE ONE MOMENT AND THEN SHOWERING YOU WITH SUNSHINE, WILDFLOWERS, AND BABY ANIMALS THE NEXT.


QWP, Context is perfectly funny but you guys will wank it anyway. Have some milk.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
  • yenesi

(no subject)

It's the NHL playoffs and mistressindi recites The Lord Stanley's Prayer


We beseech thee, Saint Reg, patron of Old-Time Hockey, to grant our team clean and yet brutal hits. Keepest thou the beer cold and the Zamboni hot, makest the red light come on only behind the other goalie, and shouldst our boys fight giveth the instigator penalty to the other guy. Forever and ever, game on, and BY THE WAY IS THE REF BLIND OR WHAT?


Amen.
Dog - River DOOM

LOLCAT Strikes Again

faeryfroggy is suffering from sleep deprivation:

"I know that my brain is fried and dead when a slot tech calls me over the radio and says "I'm in the high limit room messing with your handhelds" and automatically my brain turns it into an LOLCAT.

"Im in ur hi limit room messin' wit ur handhelds."

*facepalm*"

Context needs a day off.

Now public, QWP anyway. Nyah.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
OH GOD THE CRACK IS STRONG IN THIS ONE

annajaneclare finds a startling variety of NO LOGIC in a B-Movie.

Yup. They go and drive a car into a psychotic tree and as her companion goes to put on her seatbelt, the Feisty Female Cop™ utters the immortal words; “Forget it. That’s not going to help you now.”

Riiiiight. Words of wisdom from a Law Enforcement officer. Wearing a seatbelt is not going to increase your chances of survival in a high speed collision. Who is this woman and was she in Paris some ten years ago? Mohammed Al Fayed would like a word.
- Anyway, moral of the story was ‘Don’t beat murderous paedophiles to death and push them into swamps, lest they turn into huge heaps of murderous broccoli.’, quoth context.